Coffee, and praise, this morning: that’s what I have to offer.
As I sit at home, the briskness from the air conditioning prickling my skin, I am so thankful that the little things still warm my heart.
First, let me tell you that I struggled at the thought of giving you this testimony, because it will reveal to you a few more of my many imperfections. But, the gratitude that I feel behind this testimony makes it that much more necessary for me to share it.
As I sipped on my first cup this morning, I started thinking about how God spared the life of my first born a few weeks ago, as she had gotten into a horrific traffic accident. My hands went up in praise, you know? I love that child. She’s my firstborn. I grew up with her, you feel me?
Then, I started thinking about how when I was carrying her, I was getting the snot knocked out of me by her father. And how, on so many nights, I prayed that the Lord just get her here; let her be born, safely and healthily. And, He did!
I didn’t deserve His grace! And, since the “sins of the father fall”, I, at the time, was scared that my baby didn’t deserve His grace either. But, God spared her! And, when that hit me mid-sip, my hands went up to the Lord, again.
” HALLELUJAH! THINE THE GLORY!!”
I had to set down my cup of Joe, I’m telling you! Sometimes, you don’t even see a praise coming. It’s like, you have those moments, you know? Where, you don’t have a particular praise, maybe your mind, and your spirituality, is in a drought like state, and BOOM!! Out of nowhere comes a reason!
Back then, I wasn’t giving up any praise for the blows that were coming at my face. I sang the songs of Zion because they made me feel better. And, I said “Thank you, Jesus” because I was taught to. But, I wasn’t praising back then the way I do today.
So, I make a second cup because the house is so cool that the first one that I had to set down earlier, by this time, had gotten, like, super cold, right?
And, I’m trying to recover from the praise, I am! I’m trying to just go on with my morning, but I was hit with another thought.
“You have been abused so badly that you will NEVER have another baby!”
When the specialist at Miami Valley Hospital told me that, I said “the devil is a lie!”
You see, I wasn’t living right. But, I had faith! And, if I may get real ghetto right here, let me tell you “wasn’t no doctor gone tell me what my God could, or couldn’t do!”
And, I believed it, y’all! Just like that!
So, while I was trying to go on with my morning, and get that second cup, of rich, brown coffee, and it hit me that after that, I got two more children, not one, but two more, my hands went up again!
I had to make sure I didn’t drop that coffee pot; make sure I didn’t burn myself. But, I had to praise!
I wasn’t living right, not according to the coarse, strict, do-rightness of the devout. But, because of my faith in Him, He blessed me. I counted myself unworthy of any blessing. But, He saw different! And then, He had the care, and the forethought to bless my children. And, I’m so grateful!
Back then, I couldn’t see the why. I couldn’t see the how, or the because. But, I see it now.
The little things: they mean so much. Back then, I had a superficial praise that I couldn’t anchor anything to. Oh, it was taught to me. And, it was taught right. But, I had to find a friend in Jesus for myself.
He’s been my strength.
He’s been loyal.
He has gifted to me even when I didn’t deserve it.
He was there to listen when I couldn’t drop my pride and tell anybody else.
And, when I look at my babies today, knowing that “He didn’t HAVE to do it, but HE DID”, I just start crying, and laughing at the same time.
Until our next cup;