One day after Memorial Day, the day we honor those who have fought for our nation’s freedoms, the day we honor fallen soldiers, and I am feeling a bit like an injured soldier myself.
Today, coffee comes with lots of memories; memories of a time when I played harder, fought harder, and I lived for ‘sunny days’.
“Rain, rain, go away! Come again another day!”
I didn’t hate the rain. I just hated to have a good rain ruin an otherwise perfect day. I knew that the rain helped our world keep an array of beautiful colors; that the rain was just as important to sustainable life as the sun. Still, at least to me, dry land was always more preferable.
Rain was never a deal breaker, tho. If it fell, and I somehow convinced my mom to allow me to go out, and play in it(Momma didn’t play about us kids dripping dirt, and mud on her always freshly mopped floors), I always made sure that every jump, every splash in the rain, counted. It was some of the most fun I’ve ever had.
Now, I am over here begging for rain!
“Rain! Hurry up, and roll through Dayton so I can get some relief from this knee pain!”
There’s no jumping; no splashing. When your own body betrays you in the way mine has, it feels like you’re in a fight without armor. But a good soldier fights on, sometimes to his/her own detriment.
You wanna talk about faith? Try trusting anything around you when everything around you, including your own body, seems to be working against you.
Even as I pour this second cup, standing here, trying to not put too much weight on one side, or the other, I feel as if knives are being pushed through my knee caps, while an angry construction worker sledge hammers on the sides of them.
“Lord, this pain!” I keep hollering.
But, no relief comes; no answer.
“Lawd”, I says, “How am I supposed to go see about my Momma? How am I supposed to look out for those grand babies and I’m feeling all broke down? How am I to do anything within my purpose if I don’t feel like doing anything at all? What about my finances?”
Still, no relief. Still, no answer
But, I’m a soldier. No, I never formally enlisted in the U.S.Military. But, my whole life was something like war. Shards of emotional shrapnel are embedded in places that a doctor cannot get to. I’ve never left a soldier behind. But, the same soldiers that I helped to safety, left me behind once they got there, leaving me to finish my own fight, sustained only by God, and faith.
Now, here I am, praying selfishly for the rain to come. Even if somebody out there is planning a BBQ, or a birthday party, I want God to open the heavens, and pour out rain.
A Healing Rain.
A self proclaimed soldier, a warrior, not praying for victory, or more weaponry, but rather enough strength to fight one more day. A prayer simple enough in it’s own right. But today, it’s what I need.
It’s funny how things change; our prayers change. I never thought that I’d be willing to do battle in the midst of the storm.
“Lord, take me through this storm!”
I used to pray to Him daily for that, and He sure enough brought me through victoriously!
Now, I’m all “Send the storm, Lord!” And, it just blows my mind.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
It’s working for my good. If I can just push pass the pain, and do that for which I am called, it’s gonna work for my good.
That’s faith… “Faith without works is dead”, right?
So, rain or shine, I’ve got to fight on. And, I’m hoping, no matter the conditions, that you continue your fight as well.
Until our next cup;