If you haven’t been through anything, this post ain’t for you. Darlin’, you can have coffee with anybody you want to. But today, I want to talk to those who understand; those who get the importance of sitting down with a nice cup, and talking things over with a friend.
The past week has been…eventful. Everytime I spoke to a particular friend, they responded to me by snapping. Not just witty, smart alec responses, but the whole raise-your-voice-a-full-octave responses. And, I got to tell you, I almost unleashed. I almost dropped my basket. I have like zero tolerance for a person who cannot have a simple, civil conversation.
Oh, you know how it is. There are good days. And, there are days that are not so good. But we deal, right? And, just when you think you’ve mastered a day, made it through another one of those there rough patches, there is always that one who seems to bring with them a negative force of energy, and they do what? Poke, and poke at you until, and I mean before you know it, you mentally claw into their brain with words, and emotions, you thought you had long since buried.
And, I had been experiencing growth. It had become habitual for me to get up daily, about 4 a.m. or so, and listen to the Word of God via YouTube, and Bishop T.D.Jakes. I’m telling you, God had been dealing with my heart in ways that surprised even me. My heart was completely open to the will of God, and I was feeling so good.
Enter the negative energy.
Now, the first time this person snapped, I asked a question.
“Do you hear how you’re speaking to me right now?”
They corrected their behavior, and that right quickly. So, I let it slide.
The next time, I went to snapping.
“Hold up, now! You ain’t gone just keep on talking to me like I’m nothing. Holster that, dawg!”
Once again, they adjusted the behavior. But, it felt to me like the devil was getting off on it, just a lil bit.
See, that there. That’s why I need to share this cup with somebody who gets it. When you’ve been through, your mind does not forget what you felt. You know when a person is being funny. You know it. You know what it feels like when somebody is intentionally trying to egg you on, and into a fight. And, having had to fight that demon before, tell me you don’t be just waiting on a mug to go there sometimes.
But, here’s the shocker. I didn’t fall for the fight. I appeared to shut down; get quiet, and mad. But, I had given that thing to my Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ. I was hurt. I was tired of always having to be the mature one; always having to be the one to fix a thing. But, I heard the Word in my head.
“The battle is not yours, it’s the Lord’s.”
Flesh was just a rising up.
“Girl, you better stand up fo‘ yo‘self” it cried.
But, I just got in my bed, prayed a lil bit, and I let it go. I mean, I prayed just a lil bit: “Lord, Help me!”. And, He took a hold of that thing, and He got me through, without incident.
Now, somebody out there won’t see this as a big deal because they haven’t been where I’ve been. Somebody has no clue what it’s like to have nerves so frayed that you end up with a very low tolerance for other people’s mess. But, I can assure you that for me, being quiet, not fighting my own battle, is quite the feat. Me not fighting back is as rare as a Big Foot sighting, and as unnerving to some people as a walk past uncaged tigers.
So, I won’t lie to you. Seeing them just a bit uncomfortable after deliberately trying to take me out of character was a wee bit satisfying. Also, the having to forgive it part was a lil more than I wanted to sacrifice, but I did it. I was still as quiet as a church mouse when in their presence, but I harbored no bad feelings.
And, I know that everything I am telling you today is a clear indication that I still have a lot of work to do on my spiritual life; on my faith, and character. But, I am open to what God is trying to do; where He is trying to take me. I do need to learn temperance. I am short on patience. And, to get to the next level, to dine with kings(yes, I’m putting a claim on it), I have to be able to take some things at face value, smile, and keep going. There is no room for the “Ohh, I wish somebody would” in the Kingdom of God. So, I have more growing to do. But until then, this cup of coffee is all good.
Until our next cup;