Oh, Stop It! It’s Just A Thought..

     A Real Test of Faith: Feeling like you’re the only one that notices when something weird is going on, and asking yourself if you should say something about it, or just let it go, because you don’t want to be labled as the one who keeps starting stuff.  But, sometimes, you have to say something, or you start to feel like you’re just going to lose it if you don’t.  Don’t judge me. I know, I think too much.

     Smiles.  Today is one of those days where I want to say something.  But, it’s not because I want to start anything.  It’s because i want to know if anyone else sees it, too.

      What?  It’s true.  I really want to know.

     As I sip on a fresh cup of Folgers, I mull over the question that I got up with this morning: How do we fix what is going on with our men?

     My brothers in Christ: I just sit back and watch them.  They are getting pedicures, and facials.  A lot of them take more selfies than women do.  They want us telling them how beautiful they are.  They want us to chase them, and the pedestal that was once  designated for the glory of she that is woman, they now want to rest upon.

     And they are beautiful, they are.  Any man who is chasing after all that is good, a praying man, a believing man, he is beautiful to me.  But, baby listen, they seem like a lot of work.

    Back in the day, a good ole church going woman was the sought out; she was noticed.  A sister could just come to church, do her thang for Jesus, and before you know it, she had a good ole husband.  But now, you have to date these Christian men.

     “I sent him some flowers, and a card.  You know, just to let him know I’m thinking about him.”

         I overheard the comment while standing in line at the grocery store yesterday.   I’m old school see, so when I heard it, I thought to myself “How many flowers has he sent you, Honey? He should be doing that for you!”  Judging: I know.  But, it was the first thing that came to my mind.  So, when I turned around, and saw that it was the familiar face of a church girl, I was so outdone.

     Used to be, church men will marry you…quickly.  It used to be taught, at least in the Church of God in Christ, that extended dating leads to emotions, and emotions lead to kissing.  And, we all know where the right kiss can lead us, Okay?  But, it’s not the  dating that’s bugging me.  It’s dating flipped on its head.  You ladies, some of you,  are so desperate to find  a mate that you are willing do all the wining, and dining, and the catering to a man that you can afford to do.  Your importance to him is masked by your need to convey how important he is to you.  And, if that’s the state of things now, how to we take that, and flip it, right side up?

    I’m telling y’all, if you ladies would just rest y’all feet for a while, if he wants you, he’ll chase you.  A man knows what he wants.  He also knows when he has it like that, and that there are other options.  Look around, my brothers are enjoying the thrill of the chase.  Now, they should be caught up in the Word of the Lord, but y’all making it so easy for them start to enjoy the feeling of being wanted; being needed.  It’s addictive, anything that makes a person feel really good is.   So, I don’t blame them.  Who would?

     But guess what else you ladies are doing?  You are creating a whole slew of beautiful church brothers who think they are the finest things walking, and whom deserve to be pampered, more than you do.  I mean, is that what you ladies want?  An ego driven man with more product wrinkles, and smooth skin in the medicine cabinet as you have? Because this is getting out of hand.

     Take a sip.  Think about that.

     Look, there is nothing wrong with being good to your intended.  But, a lot of y’all haven’t even hit “intended” status: ain’t no ring on your finger.  And, you are putting in work.  The brothers of the church are coming in smiling, chests’ poked out, backs straight; they’re proud.  You’re coming in tired, and draggin’ ya feet.  It’s ridiculous, I tell ya!   Ridiculous!

     My brothers.  And, I love every one of them.  I ain’t mad at not a one.  Who wouldn’t love that kind of attention?  Who wouldn’t blush at the thought of someone willing to go the extra mile for them, without them having to do a thing in return?  But, you better understand something.  Men, do not think the way a woman does.  Remember that part of the color purple where Ms. Celie finally goes off on Mister, and she’s holding the knife, her body writhing with anger, as she yells out “Did I ever ask you for anything? I ain’t never asked you for nothin’!  Not even yo punk @#$ hand in marriage!”  Do you remember that scene?  Well, that’s how he feels about you.  Maybe not all of them.  But, some of them definitely feel that way about some of y’all, and you still keep puttin’ it in.  Why, though?

     Don’t you think you are worth that?  Don’t you feel that you are worth the chase, too?  Well let me tell you something.  I don’t care what you have done in the past.  If you have repented, and you are doing all you know to do right by the Lord, and by being a friend to a certain gentleman, you are worth it.  If he calls himself “liking you”, but he can’t make you feel like  he’s not going anywhere, and you don’t have to chase so hard, you may have the wrong man. A real Godly man will tell you.

     “Relax, darling.  Let me spoil you. I believe God sent you to me, and I want to do this right!”

     Have you heard that yet, ladies?  Or is that air of love you’re floating on some that you’ve created by gassing up your own head, making yourself believe that this man wants, and is going to marry you, but knowing, deep in your heart, that he might not?

     I tell you, coffee makes me think too much.  And with all these thoughts, I can’t help but ask myself how do we clean up this mess? This super messy, always wanting to argue about something, in need of super affection, Please, tell me I’m beautiful, mess that we’ve turned our brothers into?

     Now, I realize that it may be just me.  But, this is where my faith is often tested.  How does one go from dating in the world, seeing all the game that the world has to offer, to believing that she’s not seeing a whole lot of what the world calls “game” in the  brothers of the church?  I often ask myself, is it the definite “trust issues” that I know that I have, or is brother man trying to run game on me?  I tell you, It is a constant test.

     Being a Christian, having repented of ones past sins, means to forget the things of the past, and live life anew in Christ. And, we are to ” be transformed by the renewing of our minds”.  But, the renewing of the mind does not always come with the suppression of instinct.  At least it hasn’t for me.  Those instincts always kick in.

     So that’s where I am at today: somewhere stuck between instinct, and thinking too much, and needing to pray, and read my Bible more, on both ends.  Still, I can’t help but watch what’s going on, and label a lot of it as “Foolishness”.  I had a great father.  A good, God-fearing, never heard him argue with my mother, always kept a full refrigerator for the kids, put my momma on a pedestal, man.  So, I can’t help but use him as a template.  And, when I do, I see so much wrong.  So many women becoming ‘gentlemen’ just to get a husband.

     Okay,  no more coffee for me today.  I’ve gone just about far enough.

     So, until our next cup;

     JFaye

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