The Testimony

     I’ve got my coffee.  I’ve got the heat in the house up so high that it seems to want to take away my breath.  My feet are still cold, though.  All it would take is for me to get up, and make the adjustments, turn down the heat, put on some house shoes , or socks, and all things natural will be just perfect.  But, I don’t want to move.  I do not want to get up from this video of William McDowell  performing “Withholding Nothing” on YouTube.

     “I  surrender all to you” the congregation in the video seems entranced by the lyrics.  And, I can’t blame them.  I am too.  I always blog to you guys about the bad that I’ve been through.  But, I’ve had a whole lot of what the world calls good, too.  I’ve got a testimony.

     I am a witness to this:  When people see you crying, when they see that you want to give it all up to Jesus, they assume that you are just tired; tired of being used, tired of being abused.  Shucks, that’s all we seem to tell them, if they should happen to ask.  And, sometimes, they are right. But we need to tell them about the good side of the story, too.  Sometimes, and I know this is true for me, those tears come from a place of gratefulness; a place of true thankfulness where I know I didn’t appreciate His grace, but I am thankful that he granted it anyways.

     I wouldn’t change a thing that I’ve been through.  All of that brought me to a place of understanding.  I was tried in the fire, Honey, and I didn’t burn up!  I know what those old church mothers meant now when they sang about “billows” being “tossed nigh”, and the “peace in the midst of the storm”; no matter what troubles came my way, I knew enough to call on the name of Jesus.   So, when I hear William McDowell singing “All I want is you”, I feel that thing.

     I’ve driven beautiful cars.  I’ve had so many men throwing so much money my way that at one point my mom told me that she thought I was a  stripper(not exactly a ‘trophy moment for me. But still, it happened).  I have seen so many people handling so much bread that I practically gained weight watching them break it.  But, it never fascinated me.  It never moved me, not the way I get moved when I think about what God has done for me.

     “Lord, I give my all to you. Withholding Nothing”.  I don’t have anything to hide from my Lord. He knows me.   Do you know what a gift it is to still love people, to still respect people, even after they have stepped on your neck?  I’ll give you this, it breaks the trust, going through bad things does.  But, if I see a person in need, I will still give them the shirt off my back, same as I would’ve when I was ten years old.  That’s a blessing!

     When you realize that God has been with you, and He, and His Word, the respect you have for what you’ve been taught has been there all along, there is a joy that bubbles up from way down on the inside.  When you understand that you’ve changed, but for the better, you can’t do a thing but praise God.  This world can tear up your mind; rip your spirit to shreds.  And, just when you think you can’t take it anymore, someone will come and say “Be encouraged”.  And, just when you’re down to what you call your ‘last dime’, a blessing comes through the mail, and it’s what you need, and more.  That’s God.

     And, nobody on this earth has been that for me.  Almost everybody that I’ve cared for deeply has hurt, or disappointed me, in one way, or another.  But, God never has.  When all the money, and the people who it belonged to, disappeared from my life, it was like I never skipped a beat.  God had me.  I, and my children,  still ate…we ate good.  I still did my hair, and my daughter’s hair,  every week(black hair care is no cheap affair).   I was still out shopping like I was sitting on a million bucks somewhere.  God made a way out of no way!  I don’t know how, and I won’t even begin to guess why.  But, He did it.

     I’ve tried the Hennessy.  I’ve been high on weed.  I’ve been in love so hard that my knees would get weak every time a certain person would walk into the room.  But, nothing compares to how weak I get in the presence of the Lord.  It’s just not the same.

     “And, we say  “Yes, yes, yes, Lord, yes!” A YouTube video: ministering, and praising before seven o’clock in the morning.  The cinematographer has mananged to capture what I believe to be the spirit of the Most High coming in, and falling all over the room.  It is so beautiful; so relatable.  I understand their surrender.  I understandthem singing “I give myself away, so you can use me”.  When you’ve tried everything else, when nothing makes you happier than just telling Him “thank you”,  all you can do is give in to it.  All you can do is praise. And of that, I am very proud.

Until our next cup;

JFaye.

 

 

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