A special cup of coffee this morning…I woke up feeling nostalgic, so I added a couple of dashes of cinnamon, to kind of bring the feeling full circle.
There’s a warm, glowy feeling that comes with each sip, and my cheekbones ache a little from smiling so hard. I appreciate it’s comforting effect, and I let it take me back.
Yesterday, I was swept up in the song, Take Me Back”, an old school gospel track by Andre Crouch and The Disciples. As I sat in a stiff pew, beating a tambourine during praise, and testimony service at church, I found myself overcome with the emotion of it all.
I started thinking about what Mom had said in Sunday school just an hour before.
“You have to grab on to faith, and squeeze it. See, when that angel came, and told Mary what God was going to do in her life, that she, a virgin, would bring forth the promised Messiah, she accepted that thing. She moved, ‘with haste’ at the promise of the Lord. She was undefiled by sin, she had been taught(she knew the law), and she was willing; a perfect vessel”
Then, the worship service shifted. The praise leader went from one extreme, an upbeat song accompanied by joyous clamour, and hand clapping, to another, the slow pleading congregational rendition of the song “Take Me Back”.
I thought about the story of the Virgin Mary. I thought about her willingness to move on God’s behalf. I thought about how the spirit of the Holy Ghost leaped inside Elisabeth at the sound of Mary’s song. And…I…was…done.
Like an ex-boyfriend, one who I loved beyond measure, but didn’t treat well enough to keep, I pleaded with the Lord.
” Take Me Back!”
Like the first time Momma, and Daddy kicked me out for not wanting to follow the house rules, I begged.
“Take me back!”
Like a child remembering her first trip to a real amusement park, the fun, the happiness, the desire to just let go, I asked, and asked.
“Take me back!”
I prayed, in my heart, for The Lord to take me back to the time when I didn’t care who was watching. I didn’t care who believed, or who didn’t believe, how serious I am about my service to the Lord. I prayed for Him to take me back to a time where I could just let Him do a mighty work.
As I watched Him touch, and bless my sister-in-law, and I heard voices rise, and fall in praise, I got a little jealous. I wasn’t envious of anything in the natural, I wanted to be able to feel it like Kisha did. And, it hurt me, and helped me at the same time.
I realized that I’ve been holding on so long, trying to remain emotionless, and appear nonchalant; doing everything I can to not get hurt anymore. With good reason, I’ve trained myself to not feel. Now, that training is working overtime, and it’s working against me.
But, God knows, I’m open to Him. And, He knows that I am willing. I may not have been chosen to bring forth the Son of God, but I am His chosen. And, I may not come from the wealthiest of families, I may not be who the world would have me be. But, like Nazareth, with just a word from the Lord, from within me greatness will come.
So, as I sit here, my apartment just cozy enough, and a second cup of coffee piping hot, my prayer remains the same: “take me back, Dear, Lord, to the place where I first received you. Take me back. Take me back, Dear Lord, where I first believed!”
Until our next cup;