“One…The Loneliest Number”

     Coffee time! A huge cup to warm me up is exactly what I need right now. Truth be told, I could stay in my king-sized bed, wrapped up tight like a burrito, all day. Still, I get up, brew a nice pot, and begin my day.

     As I don my powdered blue, terry cloth robe, and slide my feels-like-frozen feet into my custom made knitted booties, I can’t help but think about the posts I read on yesterday, most of which encouraged the readers to stay away from all things negative.

     Negativity… A medium sized word with huge connotation. It only takes one negative comment to ruin a persons day. One negative person in a room full of happy people can suck the joy out of all of them; Hoover® the whole room, and leave everybody feeling awkward.

     I take a sip, and I think to myself. “I’m alone most of the time. So, no way I’m bringing anybody down!”. But, being alone doesn’t alleviate negativity. In some instances, it can actually cause it.

     Alone. No one to talk to, or confide in, except the Lord, Jesus Christ. And, prayer is beautiful, it is. But, I don’t pray 24hours a day. I may read over my Sunday School lesson, or read my Bible throughout the day. I might watch the television off, and on.  But, sometimes sooner, rather than later, due to the way my body feels, and a chemical imbalance that causes depression, and anxieties, the negativity creeps in.

     When I feel it coming, the negativity, I’ll start to pray, or ring up my mom and start a conversation. I’ll pull out the composition book, and start writing. Anything to shake it off. But it doesn’t always eject any unwanted feelings.

     When you live with debilitating pain, and you’re fighting depression, and you’re trying to bring anxiety to heel, being alone with your own thoughts can be devastating. And, pride doesn’t make it any better. I stay away from people sometimes for no other reason than that I don’t want anyone to view me as weak. “I can do all things through Christ”… That’s the only Janet I want to share with the world.

     But, I’m doing myself no favors. I am allowing devastating circumstances to keep me away from the life God created me to live. And, you know what else I’ve noticed? I’ve been in this house alone for so long that if I do accept an invitation out from time, to time, I get weird!

     As I sip on my second cup of coffee, I have to giggle at the term: ” Weird”.  I step outside some days, and the stray cat that lingers on my porch is looking at me like he wants a fight; rolling his eyes at me. The lady at the corner store always has an attitude.

     “Will that be all?” She snaps.

     Inside, I snap a little too. 

     “Yea! That’s all! Are you having a bad day, or something? ‘Cause I really could do without the tude!” I bark back.

      Now, you know that cat, or that woman is not really at fault. It is me, like 85% me. By not interacting with the world on a daily basis, I have allowed myself to experience a major disconnect. Therefore, the negative thoughts that I sit with on a daily, I project onto everything, and everybody else the moment I leave the house.

     And, that’s what needs to change for me. No doubt, I have some trust issues due to some bad friend/relationship choices. But, to have a life requires some actual living. Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so a man(or,woman) sharpens the countenance of his friend” (NKJV). 

      We need each other. We make each other smile, and think. We make each other better. Sometimes, recognizing that you’re the problem in your own life, realizing that the only stumbling block you have is the one you’ve built in your own mind, is all you need to become a better version of yourself. The key is to do something about it. 

     Until our next cup; 


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