I was in a state of pure depletion. I had absolutely no more to give. I asked God, more often than not, “Why”?. Faith, the kind of stern faith that was spoken about in the church house was, it seemed, slipping from my grasp, and all I could do was cry.
I cried when I watched the news. The world had gone nuts! I cried when I talked to other people. They sounded just as depleted as I was. And, I cried when I did nothing at all. The tears were plentiful, but I wasn’t exactly sure what I was more sad about. Was it the overabundance of treachery that I had endured in the past? Or, was there something wrong with me in general?
Of course, I never let anyone know that I was feeling the brokenness, or despair. People kept needing my help, and I kept saying ” yes”.
One of the first lessons drilled into your head in kiddie Sunday school when I was a child was to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. And, with that lovely little lesson, I amassed a guilty conscious that almost never let me turn down anyone that I felt needed my help.
But, where was my help? King David said in Psalms 121 “My help comes from the Lord”. Although the scripture was ready in my brain, I couldn’t feel it; I couldn’t feel Him. I was lost.
One day, a friend came to me in tears. Oh, she cried about how life had treated her. And, she cried about how tired she was. She lamented over not being able to feel the power of God.
” You cannot help anybody else if you allow yourself to be broken down. You have to take care of yourself. Spend more time praying, and talking to God” I told her. “What does it say in Isaiah 54? No weapon for against thee shall prosper! It takes the same kind of faith today as they had back then! Either you trust God to bring you out, or you don’t!”
I shook my head, and grinned. God had shown up, and amazed me, just that quickly. I learned something that day. 1. You have to trust God even when you cannot see a way out. And two, He didn’t put us here alone. Fellowship with our brothers, and sisters in Christ is important. It keeps us talking about God’s goodness; reminding us that we are not in this thing alone.
Today, I am rejuvenated. Realizing that “the prayers of the righteous availeth much”, I am determined to walk with Jesus, no matter what comes my way. But, in order to stay faithful to Him, I must first stay faithful to prayer. A dry stone is no good to anyone.